Intimate Friendships Can Cure Loneliness

 Only intimate friendships can cure our loneliness. When we are about 8 or 9 years of age, we begin to long for that kind of a close relationship with another person. This longing for intimacy creates a desperate search on the part of the child for a close friend, a buddy, or a chum. Although this level of friendship creates the capacity for greater and greater levels of intimacy, it also increases the likelihood of greater levels of loneliness when we face separation from an intimate friend, or worse yet, the loss of an intimate friend. In fact, the termination of an intimate relationship -- through death or separation -- is one of the most traumatic experiences of life. Intimacy and loneliness are forever wrapped together in life. Intimacy involves two people who are capable of relating to each other in supportive and helpful ways. Each of them is secure enough to share his or her wholeness with the other. Their relationship will have the following characteristics: Warm affection The ability and willingness to trust each other with intimate details of life Growth stimulation Concerned commitment Willingness to share time and space Unity Both are surrendered to God and each other Harmony Nurturing intimacy is a high priority Each keeps the other in touch with reality If you want to have intimate friendships you will need to learn how to be an intimate friend. This will require you to be seen by others as: neutral, not dogmatic warm, not cold and distant sincere, not phony loving, not indifferent appreciative, not demanding less dominant and less self-centered -- You will know when you are succeeding in your search for these characteristics when you find yourself thinking more about people and your relationships with them; engaging in more conversations and writing more personal letters; and are less likely to report wishing you were alone. Intimate friendships provide an attachment from which you derive a sense of security; a feeling of shared activities and concerns; opportunities for nurturance, in which you take responsibility for the welfare of another person; reassurance of your worth and your competence; sense of reliable alliance, or the expectation of continued assistance in the future; and guidance, or help during times of stress and support for solving problems.